Half of my Heart
by finefrenzy
Summary: AU OOC - A story set in the past, Isabella Swan is six when her father leaves her at an orphanage. One day a young girl named Alice comes up to her to announce she's coming home with her family and introduces her to a life she didn't dare to dream of.
1. Faith

**A.U. & O.O.C. - Characters belong to S. Meyer, except for the ones I made up myself. ;)**

_**One**_

_Faith_

As a lone leaf made its way through the sky, its bright orange colour seemed to match the orange and pink streaks painted in the sky during the particular time of day it decided to let go of the branch which had held onto him for dear life, until the claws of autumn decided to undress the trees from their brightly coloured companions. As the leaf made a few graceful loops in the sky, trying to make the most out of the last few moments it would spend in the air, it finally made a soft landing on a bed of grass. Too bad no one could enjoy the show put on by the poor leaf, as the only spectator was too caught up in her own distress.

Young Isabella Swan stood awfully still and quiet while staring ahead at the sun setting ahead of her. The wind blew softly through her brown locks, stirring them, but not quite enough for the girl to notice. The seven year old seemed to have fallen into a conscious slumber to anyone passing by.

For any ordinary citizen it would have been quite a strange sight, a girl so young and frail, to be acting so very unlike children her age should. But as Charlie Swan looked at his daughter from a distance, he could feel the guilt wash over him as the rain used to back when they used to live in Forks, Washington.

_Forks.. It seemed like a lifetime ago, though it hadn't been over a year. The memories were still haunting Isabella, most prominent in her dreams and clear as day did they flash before her big, brown eyes when something reminded her of them. _

_At the very beginning of their existence as a family, when Isabella was just a few weeks old, Renée and Charlie had fallen into a very comfortable lifestyle, quite comfortable with their relationship and their newborn daughter. Though the happiness was short-lived, after a few years the time Charlie spent at work and not at home started to take its toll on Renée. She spent her days at home with Isabella as her only company. She became socially isolated. During the time she had alone, Renée started to notice the warm, content feeling she usually got after having a glass of wine after dinner. It didn't take long for one glass to turn into a few, and a few turned into an entire bottle which became a very steady routine. _

_When Charlie came home Renée had usually fallen asleep and by the time he left she hadn't woken up yet, so as he lived on blissfully ignorant of the problem that was rapidly tearing his family to pieces, Renée had reached the point where she desperately wanted out. _

As little Isabella was staring over the lake, unaware of Charlie standing a few feet away from her, she remembered the walks she used to take with her mother. They used to walk for hours or have picnics in the grassy fields of Forks. After Renée had started drinking, which for Isabella was the point where her sweet, loving mother turned into a very sad, unpredictable woman, they started going out much later at night. They'd walk through the forest till they reached a clearing. Renée would lay out a blanket and cuddle up with Isabella, sometimes she even sang songs to her or whisper sweet words into her ear till she fell asleep, by that time Isabella could feel her mothers tears soaking into her dress. She always woke up in her own bed, carried back home and tucked in by Renée.

On the second day of June, 1921, things were pretty much the same as usual. Charlie had a late night shift at the station and Renée had finished a bottle of red wine. Unlike most nights though, Renée was very calm and quiet. Isabella usually didn't go to sleep before Renée told her to, she expected her mother to suddenly decide to go for a nightly stroll and decided to wait until afterwards to go to sleep. This night however, Renée simply grabbed Isabella's coat and helped her put it on before going outside. She didn't take her own coat, nor a picnic basket or a blanket.

They walked hand in hand for about an hour till they reached a small clearing. A blanket had been laid out across the field along with a pillow and Isabella's plush bunny. Renée sat down on the cloth before opening up her arms for her daughter to cuddle into. Her big, blue eyes that used to radiate happiness seemed so dull and empty now as she stared into the nothingness ahead of her.

She couldn't even remember the woman she used to be. She was beautiful, pristine, always taking care of herself and the ones around her. Her fair skin carried no blemishes, her blonde hair shone so bright light seemed to reflect off of it. Her smile was always present and seemed to laugh along with her big, blue eyes which sparkled with mirth. Her entire demeanour seemed to radiate the happiness she carried inside. Even Renée couldn't pinpoint the day she seemed to lose her spark, she just knew that somewhere along the road, she did. And it hit her hard.

As she looked down at the bundle she cradled in her arms, she could feel the guilt weighing so heavy on her heart, she was surprised it hadn't exploded yet. Isabella bore quite the resemblance to her father Charlie, the colour of her hair and eyes for example. But when Renée looked at her she saw even more of herself in the little girl. The way her whole face lit up with every smile, the sharpness of her nose, her long, frail build and the fair complexion they both carried so well.

She gently laid Isabella down on the pillow before giving her a lingering kiss on her forehead. A tear made its way down across her cheek and landed on Isabella's cheek. Renée closed her eyes and savoured the sweet scent of her little girl, taking in the peaceful image of her sleeping child, softly whispering in her ear.

"_I never wanted this for you sweetheart, but I'll never stop looking after you, I'll even wait for you there."_

She unwrapped her silk Hermès scarf and covered Isabella with it. When she was absolutely sure her daughter was comfortable, she walked into the woods.

Isabella hadn't fallen asleep though, she just knew it would be better to pretend at that moment. She lay there silently for a few hours, until she could hear a far away rumble from the direction Renée had gone to.

When she woke up, or rather, was woken up later that morning, she was greeted by the teary eyes of Charlie Swan. It was quite a surprise that Renée hadn't brought her back home this time. Little did she know, Renée never came back, since the train she jumped in front of had taken her life that night.

Charlie knew how much grief the young girl had already endured because of him, or so he thought. He also knew that he couldn't live with himself if he made it worse, so he chose the easy way out.

He gave her up.

While Isabella was staring out over the lake and the sunset ahead of her, she thought of all the grief she'd put her parents through, and wondered if that was why Charlie was sending her away. Was he finally sick of her?

It had been two months since Charlie had left her at the foster home and since then, Isabella had been very quiet and introverted. It wasn't uncommon though, a lot of the children left at these places kept to themselves. Once known that a child preferred to be on its own, no one bothered them any more. Isabella was no exception, she spent her days staring out of the window or lying in bed.

This day however, was different from the others. It was a very special day even, Isabella knew that because of the nice black dress she was given to wear, along with white knee-high socks with cute satin bows at the ends. Her socks reached just above her knees where her dress just barely covered the upper ends of the socks, which meant the nice bows were visible when she was sitting or walking. The dress was also made of satin but had lace details. On her feet were a pair of cute black shiny leather ballerina's, completing the outfit. Her wavy brown locks were tied and with those big, brown, innocent eyes she was doll-like perfection.

The other girls and boys were dressed up nicely as well, their excitement flooded the room as everyone patiently awaited the arrival of the families who might just give them the chance they never got from life. Isabella wasn't as excited however, she was scared.

Scared of making more peoples lives miserable. Hadn't she done it once before? The guilt and the shame had become such a constant in her life, she feared people might just see it in her eyes when they looked at her too closely. Perhaps they could see all the bad she carried within her. She didn't feel she deserved this second chance, so she went to her spot by the window.

The living room was where the children would spend the majority of their time, it was a spacious room with a huge wall which was almost entirely made of glass, except for the sides. There were 3 large, brown, leather sofas in the centre of the room with a large table in the middle. The table was surrounded by pillows so the children could gather round to play games or draw or whatever it was they pleased to do. There was also a fire place in the left wall of the room, but a fence was placed around it to keep the children away from harm. The spot next to the window was in the far right corner of the room, which gave a perfect view of the green trees and the forest that surrounded the building. It also gave a perfect view of the inside of the room and its inhabitants. Isabella liked to watch people, to observe.

The entire room had been cleaned for this day, everything was made to look inviting to the families who would come by today. The table was filled with sweets like apple pie and chocolate cookies, candy and even flavoured tea had been prepared for the guests. The room smelled of apple pie and Camille, it was quite nice actually.

As the first few families were brought inside and sat down, they were immediately surrounded by young boys and girls behaving their bests to make an as good impression as they thought was possible. Surprisingly not yet screaming about their desperation to get out of this place. Isabella didn't move from her spot though, she doubted anyone would even notice her, so why go through the trouble?

After an hour and a half a young girl came walking in. For an eight year old girl, she moved utterly graceful and radiated confidence. She had short black hair which seemed to bring out her defined cheekbones and bright, grey eyes. She was wearing a white shirt tucked in her black skirt with dark grey stockings underneath. She had cute black boots on and a silk scarf tied around her neck loosely. She was the image of the pristine stereotype daughter from a wealthy family.

Her parents, Marcus and Loïs Brandon had decided they wanted to take in a foster child, give it a better life than it would ever get by staying there and fulfilling their dream of having two children. Marcus was a tall, slender built man. His black hair was combed back neatly, bringing out his handsome, defined face. His blue eyes radiated friendliness as he observed the people in the room. His wife shared his frail build, her long blonde locks were straight as can be and rich locks fell over her shoulder. Her blue eyes scanned the room, sparing a loving look for every child. Her white dress stood out next to her husbands black tuxedo.

As they were making small talk with the staff of the foster home, Alice had already set her eyes on something. Or rather, someone. Isabella was so caught up by the sound of raindrops ticking on the glass of the window, she hadn't noticed Alice approaching her. When Alice sat down next to her and gracefully extended her slender hand though, Isabella couldn't help but notice the sweet smile and bright eyes of the girl next to her.

"Hey, I'm Mary Alice Brandon, but you can call me Alice. What's your name?"

"I'm Isabella Swan.."

"I have a feeling we're going to be the bestest of friends, Bella!"

As Bella saw the warmth in the eyes and the smile of the girl sitting next to her, she could swear she felt hope for the first time.

**Soooo, I'm wondering, what do you think? This is the first story I've ever written so some feedback would be helpful. I'd appreciate it if you'd share your thoughts. ;)**


	2. Gone With The Wind

_**Two**_

_Gone With The Wind _

After meeting Isabella, Alice had quickly convinced her parents that this girl just _had_ to go with them. Her hope and joy was enough to make them believe her, much to Alice's content, and Isabella soon found herself on her way to her new "home".

Both her and Alice sat in the back of the car. Isabella was quietly staring out of the window, listening to Alice talking at the same time. Alice had been constantly talking ever since she said "Hey", which surprisingly to Isabella, wasn't as annoying as she thought it might be. She had never enjoyed talking much, let alone listening, but listening to the voice of the girl she was going to be living with was comforting to her. Her voice had a nice quality to it, it was beautiful, soft and delicate.

"Bella, are you even listening to me? I just wasted tons of oxygen talking to you!"

As Isabella turned away from the window to look at Alice, she had to smile at the sad and frustrated expression she had combined.

"Don't worry, I'm still listening."

Alice looked thoughtful for a moment, pouting and all, and just for that moment, she didn't look like she was two years older than Isabella, which made her smile. Alice didn't continue talking though and started gazing at the view outside of the car. She seemed to have sensed Isabella wasn't much of a talker, and surprisingly for little Alice, she didn't feel too bad about it. Sitting next to Isabella was nice enough.

As they arrived at the Brandon mansion, Isabella was afraid her eyes would pop out. The enormous house in front of her seemed as though a hundred people could live inside of it! It was incomparable to the small cottage Charlie and Renée lived in.

Renée.. How badly Isabella would've wanted her mother to have seen this she thought sadly. But she was soon shaken from her thoughts when she felt a hand slip into hers though, and looked into the bright eyes of the girl next to her, feeling the excitement rush through her at the thought of what she might find inside.

"This is going to be your new home Isabella! I do hope you'll like it." Loïs said to her, smiling warmly. Next to her Marcus' smile seemed just as inviting as his wife's attitude.

The grand exterior of the three story building was intimidating to say the least, the building was white with rows of five windows on every floor, decorated with the nicest of curtains, Isabella could tell from this far. There was a driveway that ended in a circle with a great fountain in the middle.

As they walked towards the door, Isabella admired the flowers around the building, looking even brighter coloured in contrast with the stark white building. As she thought about where she came from, the damage she'd caused, the happiness she hadn't known, she started to feel intimidated. This family seemed so complete already, so happy and content. They lived a life she thought only believed in fairy tales like.. Cinderella.

Unconsciously she tightened the grip she had on Alices' hand.

"_Don't worry Bella, everyone loves you already, you'll fit in great." _Alice softly whispered to her, squeezing her hand a little tighter too to reassure her.

Marcus opened the door letting her go inside first.

"Welcome home Isabella."

Bella was already gone though, the inside of the house was magnificent, most of the interior was made of wood which gave it a very warm feeling. In front of her was a large staircase which lead to the first floor. On the left side she could see the fire place situated in the living room. It caught her attention since it reminded her of the orphanage.

Above the fire place hung a big family portrait of Marcus, Loïs and Alice in the middle, painted by a professional she assumed. Alice was still very young in the painting, four years old at the most. She almost forgot she hadn't moved from her spot at the door, she hadn't even let go of Alices' hand.

She took a few steps into the hallway before she turned around to face the Brandons. She smiled at them, for the first time in months, she smiled. The warm welcome and kindness she got from them was quite a contrast from the usual behaviour of the people she had met in her short life. People didn't usually bother much with her, they let her be.

"Can I show her around the house, pleaaase?"

At the sight of the puppy dog face Alice gave them, her parents just couldn't say no, even though they had wanted to show Isabella around themselves. However, they had all the time in the world to bond with her, they had a feeling this girl was here to stay.

"Alright, go ahead, I'll call you girls down when dinner is ready."

That was all it took for Alice to loop her arm through Bella's and rush her from one room to the other, explaining every scene that had ever taken place in every room, like the time Alice had been so excited for her first day of school, she was literally bouncing so much she spilt her orange juice all over their brown leather sofa in the living room, which was why they had gotten black sofas now.

Or the time her pet bird Yves had escaped from its cage while she was feeding it and flew around for three hours before it ended up in the fire place.. It went quiet in the room, until her father broke the silence by saying that it seemed they were going to have dinner early.. Alice cried all night.

It took two hours for them to finally get to Alices' bedroom.

The room was big and nicely decorated. The walls were painted in a dark shade of purple which contrasted beautifully with the dark, wooden furniture like the desk, bed and _big _closet in the room.

"Sooo, this is my room, which I hope you'll like since you'll be staying here as well. I have a huge bed so we can share, unless you'd like your own, which is perfectly fine because we could fit another one in if you want-" Alice started but Bella interrupted her before she took her silence for an answer.

"No, no, I don't mind, I love your room. It's really nice.. And it's huge. Do you have a balcony?" Bella noticed the door behind the curtains, which she had first thought was a window.

"I do, it has a great view! But Dad thinks it's too dangerous so he's put a lock on it.." Alice sighed dramatically, making it very obvious how very much she disagreed with her fathers' decision.

Bella smiled at that, she had only known Alice for a day but she already felt so close to her. It was hard not to like her, she was a great girl.

"That's too bad.."

"Yeah well.. There's still more than enough for us to do, I still have so much I want to show you, I promise I'll never let you get bored as long as I'm around."

Alice smiled widely at Bella before taking her downstairs again for dinner.

Dinner was.. different to say the least. Bella had never had food like this. She had only had soup, vegetables, sometimes chicken and usually potatoes as dinner. But what lay in front of her wasn't any of that, it was brightly coloured and the smell.. It smelled fantastic! As she looked at the food that lay on the porcelain plate in front of her, she wondered what she should eat first, would it taste as good as it smelled?

"I do hope you like fish.. I thought salmon would be nice with some lemon to add to the flavour, but if you don't like fish we have a vegetable salad of corn, black beans, peas, tomatoes and onion."

Loïs was worried after seeing Isabella looking at the food so hesitantly, she mentally scolded herself for not asking the girl what kind of dishes she liked.

Bella took a small bite from the salmon, not wanting to answer Loïs without knowing what to say.

As she chewed on the well flavoured fish, she was astounded by the taste of it. She had never tasted anything like it! She had never even tasted food she actually liked, she felt like she had been missing out on so much for so long, and now these people who didn't even know her were showing her how to really _live _for the first time.

"The salmon is perfect, but thank you."

Everyone had been staring at her, almost holding their breath while waiting for her to reply. They wanted to make her feel at home, make her feel wanted and comfortable, and it had been working greatly so far. Isabella was such a well-mannered girl, Marcus thought to himself as he watched her eat quietly.

Alice couldn't wait for dinner to be over though, she was dying to take Bella out and show her all the nice places in their town, Watermill, New York. Also known as the Hamptons.

She'd have to wait 'till tomorrow though, since she wasn't allowed to go out after dinner. Bella probably wasn't in the mood for it either, she had been so quiet all day. Alice didn't mind though, she didn't need to talk much for Alice to like her because she already did.

After dinner they went to the living room and sat on the large sofa facing the fire place. Marcus went to his study and Loïs went to their bedroom to read, leaving only them.

"Bella, do you like being here with us?" Alice asked hesitantly, looking at the girl sitting across her. They were both leaning against the arm rest so they we're facing each other.

"Yeah, I love it here.. You and your parents are really nice. And I love your room!" Bella said excitedly.

"Good. I had a feeling you'd fit in with us right away." Alice said, her eyes sparkling with joy.

_Four years later _

Bella had been living with the Brandons for four years now, and her life was nothing short of a fairy tale. She was eleven now and Alice was twelve. They'd been spending all of their time together since the day Bella had come home to live with them.

She hadn't dreamt of ever getting to live like this, she hadn't dared to.. Ever since her mother had started drinking, she had felt guilty. She thought it was her influence that ruined her mothers' life. Even Charlie couldn't stand to have her around him.. She hadn't quite shaken those thoughts away though, the guilt was still there. The self loathing, she never felt she was worthy of living the life she was living with the Brandons.

However, as she was lying in the grass next to Alice with the sun shining down on them, she didn't think of that. She thought of the happiness she had found in the girl lying next to her. Alice brought out the best in her, she showed her places, learned her games, _forced_ her to play dress up with fancy gowns all the time, but Bella was very willing to do that, after all, it made Alice happy. It was like she had found the sister she'd never had.

"Bella, are you sleeping?"

"No, just thinking.. Why?"

Bella looked at Alice suspiciously, almost feeling the excitement radiating off Alice.

"Because.. I want to go for a swim!"

"What? Alice, we're not even dressed to go swimming!"

"Then let's go swimming without being dressed at all!"

Bella's eyes widened comically at that.

"You look like Bambi when you're staring at me like that. Now, what do you say? Please say yes Bella, pleaaaaaaaaaaase!"

Bella knew she'd give in eventually, Alice didn't seem like she was going to let go of this idea, so she decided to spare herself the trouble.

Ever since Alice had shown her the lake they were lying by now, they had spent most of their summer days there. It was a beautiful place, nature seemed to have gone all out in creating it. Flowers in all colours surrounded the blue lake on which sunlight sparkled brightly. It almost seemed like it consisted of liquid diamonds. You could even see the fish swimming around in the lake.

"Okay I guess.."

It took less than a second for Alice to take off her silk blouse after hearing Bella agree, and throwing it in the grass. She kicked off her shoes and quickly got rid of her shorts.

Standing in nothing but her underwear, she noticed Bella hadn't moved from her lying position yet.

"Do you want me to undress you or are you going to move now?" She smiled while asking, making it obvious she was just joking.

Bella had seen Alice undress plenty of times before, they did share a room after all. But right at this moment, with the sun shining down on her, and the beauty of the nature surrounding her, she found herself seeing Alice in a whole different way. Her friend looked.. Beautiful to say the least. She was so thin.. So frail, Bella was almost able to count her ribs, but it just seemed to fit her. As Alice walked towards the lake, she noticed the grace in her movements. The way she walked made her seem as if she was a lot older than just twelve. She looked back at Bella with a raised eyebrow, amusement clearly visible in her grey eyes, waiting for her to join her before she dived in.

Bella shrugged it off and slipped out of her nice, cashmere dress before diving in too.

Maybe it was the sleepiness that clouded her mind after lying in the grass all day, or the weirdness of what they were about to do, but it sure as hell wasn't normal for her to feel like that about her friend, she thought to herself.

That night as they lay in their huge bed, Bella couldn't sleep. After tossing and turning for what felt like hours, she silently got out of bed, looking back to make sure she didn't wake Alice up. At the sight of the beautiful girl still fast asleep, looking so peaceful, Bella felt her heartbeat speed up and a blush spread across her cheeks as she looked down upon Alices' full lips.

"_Why am I even thinking like this.. She'd hate me if she knew." _Bella silently got up and walked towards the balcony, the lock had been taken off a long time ago, and she quietly opened the door before stepping outside. The light evening breeze was nice in contrast to the high temperatures during the summer days in the Hamptons.

"_Why can't this awful feeling go away already, I'm going mad thinking about Alice like this! I bet it can't be normal to look at another girl this way.. Why me, of all people on this planet, why do I have to be the one to deal with this? Things were going perfect just the way they were.."_

Bella looked up at the clear night sky, stars sparkling at her from a far, far away place. What a beautiful sight it was Bella thought, admiring the sight. She had always enjoyed the view from the balcony, since the house wasn't far from the beach she could see the waves in the distance, the water reflecting a shade of black at this time of night.

"_I dare to bet Alice wouldn't still be willing to go swimming undressed when she saw the water like this."_

Bella smiled, thinking of her friends' weird quirks, when suddenly she felt a pair of arms snake around her waist and a warm body pressing into her own from behind. She swore her heart stopped for a moment out of fear, before beating twice as fast as it usually did after she realised it was Alice who had joined her on the balcony.

"Did I scare you? I do hope so, since that was what I intended to do."

Bella knew she was smiling while speaking.

"I'm sorry to disappoint you, but this is exactly why I'm so glad to have eyes in the back of my head. Everyone teases me about it.. But I wouldn't know what to do without them." Bella retorted with a smile of her own.

Alice rested her head on Bella's right shoulder, sighing deeply.

"Don't worry Bella, I can think of more than enough ways to scare you without creeping up to you from behind."

Bella laughed at her friends silliness, before she became aware of how close they really were. She could feel Alices' hipbones pressing into her back and could even smell her sweet breath. Her heart was pounding and she felt hot despite of the wind for which her thin night gown was no match.

"_Dear god, please get off of me, it's only going to take a few more seconds for her to notice my heart beating this crazy! Who hates me this badly for this to happen to me? She'd hate me if she ever found out about this!" _

As if sensing Bella's discomfort, Alice let go of Bella and moved to stand next to her, looking up at the sky for a moment before asking:

"Why are you up this late?"

"I don't know.. I just.. couldn't sleep.."

"You're not going to stay here all night though, are you? You'll freeze to death."

"Actually, I'm going back to bed now, I think I just needed some fresh air."

Alice smiled at that and lead the way back inside. As they both climbed into bed, Alice turned to face Bella.

"You know.. I wish you would talk to me more.. I can tell something's bothering you. And I don't even know anything about your past.. Where you came from, what you've been through.. Is it because you don't trust me?"

Bella flinched at the memories brought back by the question. The way she ruined her parents' lives, how she even drove her mother to take her own life.. How could Alice ever like her after knowing what kind of person she really was?

"I just.. don't know what you'll think of me if I tell you about my past. I didn't grow up as nice as you did.."

"Silly! Of course I'll still like you, I chose you didn't I? Whenever you think you're ready, I'll be there to listen."

Alice smiled at Bella before closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep.

"_Out of all of the children in the orphanage.. She did choose me, I just hope I won't make her regret it."_

**So, that was chapter two. I hope you'll like it. ****J I'd love to hear your opinions! Or any questions for that matter. ;)**


	3. Rage of Innocence

_**Three **_

_Rage of Innocence_

Any by passer who took a look at the great, white Mansion in Windmill, would think its inhabitants were blessed people. As the orange glow surrounded its walls, giving it a magnificent glow to match the flowerbeds it was surrounded by, the Mansion was quite something to envy. Come to think of what may rest beyond those protective walls, your imagination might take leaps at guessing.

Yes, the Mansion was envied, no doubt about that, but one should know never to judge on the outside. Since the dearest companion of a perfect housewife, could very well be a glass of champagne, rather than her husband.

It had been quite some time since Isabella had seen Marcus and Loïs engage in polite conversation, let alone be affectionate with each other. Marcus spent his days in his study, he taught Isabella and Alice there too. He couldn't imagine his daughters missing out on proper education, much to the dismay of Alice, who preferred to spend her precious time running off from one place to the other while dragging Isabella along with her. Isabella on the other hand loved to learn, she was fascinated by the books they got to read from Marcus. Her curiosity for knowledge was endless.

Loïs on the other hand, kept herself busy by engaging in social activity constantly. Apart from that, she was the perfect housewife. Isabella could never find a single flaw in her manners. There was no dust to be found even under the darkest of places. What Isabella could see however, was the way Loïs and Marcus kept apart from each other.

When one occupied a room, the other seemed to be repelled from coming near it. It worried her, it reminded her of the disaster that it might lead to. That scared, little girl inside of her would always worry endlessly; was she the cause of this unsettling behaviour between these people? Was this her punishment for being such an awful person?

Worrying seemed to be all she did these days, she thought sadly. The only person unaffected seemed to be Alice, who lived on merrily, unaware of whatever happened around her. The only thing she busied herself with was the next mischievous plan she could get Bella involved in.

Oh yes, Bella had to be involved at all times. Alice wouldn't think of going anywhere or doing anything without Bella there with her. And poor Bella couldn't possibly think of ever rejecting anything coming out of the mouth of Alice. They were partners in crime after all, as Alice would always say whenever Bella got hesitant.

On this particular Friday afternoon, as they were both present in the study to be taught by Marcus, Bella felt.. Distracted. She hadn't been able to place the feelings she had for Alice, and felt confused about what to make of them. It was very unlike her to be paying this little attention though, since that was usually Alices' job. Isabella was the one who couldn't _not_ pay attention.

Marcus had been talking endlessly about some book he was very passionate about, its' name Isabella couldn't recall, since she was too caught up in her own thoughts. She sighed, gazing out of the window.

The study was quite large, a room in a T shape where the upper horizontal line was a higher floor than the lower vertical part of the T. Once you went up the five steps it took to enter the horizontal part of the room, you were in front of Marcus' desk. The walls were hidden behind countless shelves filled with books. Books about everything one could imagine, from the works of Shakespeare to quite serious books describing the use of medicine, or simply a romance to read in order to kill a few hours. The carpet was coloured red, the tint of blood and blended quite nicely with the mahogany floors. The dark, red curtains that kept the bright, blinding sunlight from disturbing the gloomy darkness of the study, were usually closed by Marcus. However, on this particular day he chose to leave them open. The candles that were spread throughout the study weren't lit either, giving the impression that dear Marcus was having a good day.

Isabella used this opportunity to stare at the endless green that surrounded the Mansion. The sky wasn't cloudless today, which she was thankful for. A spotless sky only filled with the warm, cheery sunrays didn't quite fit her mood today. She stared at the lone bird that flew by, seemingly deciding to make whatever journey he was going on, all alone.

When Isabella became aware of the present again, she saw that nothing had really changed. Alice was still looking as if this was the last place she'd ever choose to be. Marcus had stopped talking however.

"That was it for today, we'll continue this some other time. You girls are free to go as you please."

Alice flew out of the study in a heartbeat while Isabella on the other hand, slowly walked towards the door, while glancing at the books she came across.

One book in particular caught her attention.

"_Age of Innocence, Edith Wharton" _it read.

"You can take any book you'd like, I've noticed you're very eager to learn. I think you'll be able to read literature without much difficulties. Just remember to bring it back unharmed." Marcus said smiling at her.

Isabella took out the book carefully before nodding her head and mumbling a "thank you".

She entered the bedroom she shared with Alice, and laid the book on her pillow. The Egyptian cotton sheets looked so harmless, it was almost hard to believe she had such awful dreams while she was covered by them. Dreams about her friend, her sister, Alice.. It was curious to Isabella, how attached she was to Alice, even though she had promised herself from the day Charlie told her he was sending her away, that she would never let herself get close to anyone ever again. After all, if she hadn't hurt them, every person she loved had hurt her. But with Alice, things were different. She found a way into her heart and for Isabella it seemed there was no stopping it. It was as if her heart had known about Alice all along, and had kept her a spot, knowing she would fill it someday. Everything was so easy when it came to Alice. She was the only one who could take away her pain by just smiling at Bella.

She soon found the girl in question when she walked out on the balcony. Alice was leaning on the marble, staring into the distance ahead of her. It wasn't often that Isabella saw her friend being this serious.

"What are you thinking of?" She softly asked her while coming closer to stand next to her. As she looked at the grassy fields, covered with flowers here and there, a lake in the far distance and all the way to the left, the beach was visible. When they were outside together, this place was their own single piece of heaven. No one could touch it, or them for that matter. They had been spending many and many days out there doing whatever it was they pleased. Rolling off the hills, swimming in the lake, plucking flowers and even attempting to catch rabbits, although that had been less of a success.

But sometimes, they would just lay in the grass, silent and content. No words were spoken, the only sound was the sound of their breathing. At times like those, Isabella felt so lightweight. So carefree, as if that unbearable weight she carried with her everyday, had been nothing but an overestimated feather and the light breeze blowing over them would soon take it away.

"I'm just wondering.." Alice took a deep sigh before continuing. "If I'll ever find someone who's going to want to have me."

"_You have no idea." _Bella thought. _"You have no idea how badly I long for you, every single moment of every day. Even when you're ashamed, because you don't know the answer to your fathers' questions about literature or when your eyes are still filled with sleep in the morning when you wake up. I'll always long for you.. But how could I ever say something like this out loud?"_

"I hate to see you this sad." Bella said, a sad expression marring her beautiful face.

"Oh Bella.. You know I'd never upset you on purpose, you're my best friend.. You're like a sister to me." Alice said, a small smile playing on her lips. "Don't feel bad just because I'm worrying about nonsense."

It seemed as if her heart had decided to take over, and forced Bella to be silent about Alice's thoughts. It wouldn't allow for Bella to tell Alice how everything was going to be okay, that some day she _would_ meet the right man, the man who would long for her, love her and care for her.

Just the thought of it was painful enough for Isabella to believe it would shatter her to speak those thoughts out loud.

After dinner Isabella had gone upstairs to read the book she had taken from the study. Alice hadn't gone with her and Isabella was grateful for the few moments she had to herself. She absolutely adored her friend but along with her presence came the need to always be closer to her, the emptiness Isabella thought would never fill, and it weighed down on her. With that thought she opened the book and started reading at the first page.

Hours later, after Alice had entered the room and had fallen fast asleep, Isabella still hadn't gotten out of the books grip.

The novel was about a forbidden romance, and the heartbreak that came with it. Along with moments of passion and love, of the feeling that the object of your affection, the person you want most is just out of reach and you can do nothing but crave it, long for it, pine for it, but you will never have it in the end.

Halfway through the story something caught her attention in particular.

"_From the very beginning, I felt there was no one as kind as you; no one who gave me reasons that I understood for doing what at first seemed so hard and unnecessary. The very good people didn't convince me; I felt they'd never been tempted. But you knew; you understood; you had felt the world outside tugging at one with all its golden hands - and yet you hated the things it asks of one; you hated happiness bought by disloyalty and cruelty and indifference. That was what I'd never known before -and it's better than anything I've ever known."_

The desperation and love, the hope put into that single piece of text. It was almost like art, it was love put into words, and it touched Isabella. She could imagine herself feeling Newlands' pain, how much he wanted to be with the Countess Olenska, how badly he wanted to let everything behind him and spend his life with her, the one person he loved most.

She felt the same way about Alice. Isabella had opened up to her, Alice had given her hope, changed her views on humanity. She couldn't fathom how she had ever been able to live without Alice in her life, or how she would fare without her ever again. Alice had touched her inside of her cage, and it made her want to spread her wings and fly off, never looking back at the past again.

Suddenly, something struck her. These feelings she had for Alice, this affection.. It was love. She was _in love_ with Alice. Her best friend, the girl who saw her as her _sister_.

If Alice ever found out.. If anyone ever found out, they'd hate her, what she felt couldn't be natural, she wasn't allowed to feel this way! But what could she do? Except for stay away from the cause of her feelings, of the person she loved most..

She was surprised to find a stain on the page she had been reading as she looked down again, she couldn't remember seeing it before. She touched her cheek; to find another tear making its way across it.

And so it seemed, one should never judge a book by its cover. If a Mansion this beautiful could carry so much ugliness inside, who says an ugly book could not carry the greatest romance of all?

**That's it for Chapter Three, hope you enjoyed it.**

**I have to say though, the number of reviews are a let down to say the least, more than 90 story alerts and only 10 reviews? I don't mean to push or beg or anything, but I would love to know whether people are enjoying my story or would like to see changes or just give me some feedback. ****J**

**XO**


	4. The UnBellable Lightness of Being

**A big thanks to everyone who reviewed or added this story to their favourites, I love you guys! **

**And just to clear things up: Bella and Alice are eleven and twelve in chapter three and chapter four. ;) **

**Four**

The UnBellable Lightness of Being

As Isabella Swan opened her eyes the next morning, the first sight she registered was one most would covet and love to wake up to. The serene face of her beloved, still fast asleep.

Her light, brown eyes slowly studied the beautiful sight in front of her. Some strands of hair were barely covering her forehead, the skin light as porcelain and free of flaws. Her eyelashes long, thick and black, like any girl would wish for. Behind those eyelids lay the most beautiful gray eyes Isabella had ever known of. She had the finest defined cheekbones and a cute, sharp nose. Saving the best for last, she finally rested her eyes upon the rosy lips of her friend. How soft they looked.. Inviting even.

Isabella sighed before closing her eyes and just revelling in the warmth of their bed and the closeness of Alice. With nothing to distract her, the thoughts of her past found the moment appropriate enough to invite themselves up to the surface. She unwillingly felt herself going back to that one night, the last night she felt her mother hug her so tightly, so very tightly as if she never wanted to let go again. She remembered her eyes, filled with tears, regret and pain but still a bit glazy after all the drinks she'd had back at home.

Perhaps that was where her courage came from..

See, as far as Isabella could remember, her mother had never been very brave. Spiders scared her to death, heights made her uneasy and darkness made her paranoid, just to name a few. When she was under influence though, none of those things seemed to matter anymore. She'd take walks in the dark, climb up hills and walk through forests that kept the scariest of scary bugs in Isabella's book.

The thing was, Renee wasn't scared at all.. She just looked tired, so tired.. Isabella had never seen her so tired, not even after walking all the way to town to dispose of their garbage, which mostly consisted of heavy, glass bottles.

Isabella knew what had taken the life out of Renee though. She had. She was the only one with Renee, all day long. The only one her mother spent time with. On top of that, during the time they spent together Renee had to be taking care of Isabella constantly. She wasn't the perfect child though, far from it even.. She was quiet, shy, quite boring even. Renee had always been passionate about hobbies, she had so many of them. She tried to inspire Isabella into finding something too, but Isabella was never good at any of the things they tried. Every single time she failed at something, she could see the disappointment in the eyes of her mother. Eventually she just gave up and spent less and less time with Isabella and all the more with her favourite healing liquid.

She remembered her mothers' tear on her cheek, she could still feel it haunting over her skin. Renee had been so sweet to her before she'd gone, so much sweeter than Isabella deserved..

She felt soft fingertips stroking her face, putting a lost stray of mahogany hair behind her ear before returning to her face to tenderly stroke away her tears. She could feel her entire body heat up at the touch.

She opened up her eyes to find a pair of gray ones gazing at her sadly.

"Bella, you were crying.." She wasn't even hiding the pain, and as Isabella heard her voice breaking at the last word, so did Bella's heart.

It broke for her mother, whose blood was on her hands. Her father, who was left all alone because of her. But most of all, for herself, since she had been doomed to a life of misery.

Alice must've been her punishment, she thought. She was always there, always so close to Isabella, but the knowledge that she'd never be hers killed her. It tortured her. Every touch was a blessing and a curse, making her feel so alive yet making her aware of how lifeless she really was.

She closed her eyes again, knowing she could do nothing to stop the tears from coming.

Alice embraced her then, softly stroking her hair and back, knowing she'd never get an explanation for Bella's sudden breakdown.

And Bella let her, closing her eyes in defeat since sleep was her only getaway.

* * *

When Isabella opened up her eyes again, she was greeted with a lone spot on the side where Alice slept. She sighed softly before deciding it would be best to get out of this bed, what good would it do her to waste the rest of her day pondering about the unfortunate event of her life.

As she sat on the side of the bed, she saw the curtains covering the door to the balcony dancing along with the wind blowing inside. Alice must've gone outside she assumed.

She moved towards the balcony, cautiously, as if she were approaching a frightened kitten and didn't want to scare the poor thing off. Once she was able to look through the curtains, she could make out the frail figure of Alice, leaning on the marble. The sun was shining brightly yet Isabella could see the sadness Alice seemed to be radiating. She noticed it in her stance, the way she carried herself.

Slowly she approached her friend and filled the empty space next to her.

"Alice, I'm sorry about before.."

"I'm not, Bella. I'm happy that you've showed me a part of yourself.. Sometimes when I see you're upset and you won't talk to me, I feel like there's this huge distance between us, and it scares me."

_"You're in the same room, just a million miles away."_ Isabella thought sadly, the feeling being well familiar to her.

"I know the feeling." She simply stated, looking up to face Alice.

"Why won't you talk to me?" The desperation in her voice started to show, she just didn't care to hide it anymore.

"Do you trust me Alice?"

"Of course I do."

"Then trust me when I say I'll tell you everything, just not now."

Alice sighed deeply, before turning her gaze to face the view from the balcony. It was such a beautiful day after all..

* * *

With a loud thud, Isabella closed the book she'd been reading and stared ahead of her in silent contemplation, her expression awfully serious. She had been lying on the leather sofa for what felt like days, just reading, and she felt the need to just _do something_.

She got up from the couch, deciding that a long walk would be a nice enough way to kill some time. Her gray skirt reached just under her knees and her thin, silk blouse was hanging loosely around her thin frame. She pulled on a pair of black boots, giving her rather girly outfit a tough edge to it. Her brown locks cascaded down her shoulders, shining radiantly with health.

Just as she reached the mahogany door and put her hand on the silver knob, she heard Alice behind her.

"Where exactly does Miss Swan think she's going?" Bella could hear the sly smile in the voice of the girl casually leaning on the doorframe behind her.

"Just out for a walk.. I wish someone would come along to join me on this adventurous and rather dangerous trip so I could chat away without being looked at as a loon for talking to myself, whoever could be as nice to offer?" She countered with an innocent smile of her own.

"Why, I could never let such a young, pretty girl put herself into the dangerous claws of small town gossip just like that! I'll come along then, if that's alright with you?" The effort into making that sound as southern as possible was received well Alice thought, as Bella broke into a laugh after that.

"Yes, yes it's okay with me, go put on your shoes."

"Alright, I'll be back in a second!"

And Alice was quite literally back in a second, boots in hands and a bright smile on her face.

She was wearing black stockings with a cute black dress that accentuated her small waist. She brought a pair of gray leather boots with a fur collar around the ankles.

"I'm impressed, ready to go?" It wasn't really a question, since Bella had already opened the door while talking, seemingly anxious to get out of the house.

Truth was, she really didn't feel like spending more time in the same building as the other Brandons, no matter how enormous that building might be.

As they were walking down the porch together, Alice linked her arm with the one of the girl next to her and started humming happily.

Bella couldn't suppress her grin at that, Alice just had this air of happiness she carried along and infected others with.

As they finally reached the main road, they unconsciously followed the road towards the beach as opposite to the road leading towards the forest.

Bella was happily strolling down the beach with Alice by her side, silently looking out at the ocean. They were the only ones occupying the beach, since most people out in the Hamptons had gone off to parties, dinner or some other social activity, as was the norm for the New York society.

She thought she could see a yacht far out in the water, just as she squinted her eyes to see clearer, she tripped over something and the next moment she was lying flat in the sand. It took her a fraction of a second to realize that her sly little friend had tripped her. She looked up to see Alice running away laughing, that little fox.

Isabella kicked off her shoes and went after her, quickly gaining on her since her longer legs carried her faster. Whenever Alice got this excited she knew she'd collapse and turn into a pile of laughter and giggles sooner or later and experience proved that it was often sooner.

As she finally reached Alice she jumped on her back, earning her a loud pitched yell before they both landed in the sand with a thud. Alice flat on her stomach with Isabella sitting on her back, keeping her wrists pinned next to her shoulders.

"Why, what do I have here?" Bella asked teasingly as Alice squirmed underneath her, trying to get out of Bella's death grip to no avail.

"Your best friend?" Alice tried, doing her best to look all big-eyed and innocent, but since she wasn't able to turn her head enough, she knew Bella wouldn't see it. Which was a great disadvantage for her. She knew Bella would give once she saw the puppy dog face Alice had been practicing on for a long time to use in situations like the one she was facing now.

"Mmm, unfortunately that doesn't quite cut it, you better give me something convincing Brandon." Alice could hear the grin in her voice.

"Your best friend, who is dying a slow, painful death beneath you, which you really don't want to happen, since she is awfully sorry for letting you trip. If I die now you'll be wracked with guilt forever, and being the good, caring person I am, I wouldn't want that for you. So really, it's in _your_ best interest when I tell you; you should really let me go?"

Bella's smile faltered immediately at hearing those words. She sat there stunned, mulling over what Alice just said. How close it hit home, since she was already wracked with guilt over her mothers' death, which she caused.

She quickly recovered though, getting off of Alice as she took her spot sitting in the sand next to her.

"I'll let you go, but I might not be so forgiving next time." The smile on her lips didn't quite meet her eyes.

Alice sighed deeply while standing up, making sure to act as dramatic as possible as she wiped the sand off her dress before taking her seat next to Bella in the sand.

The sun was slowly making its departure, granting New York with a beautiful orange glow in the sky that faded into different shades of red, orange and pink. Besides the sky, the ocean got its' fair share of attention as well, reflecting the bright colours with sparks to add to the magic. It almost seemed as though there were countless diamonds spread out over the water, for Isabella, it was the most peaceful sight she could imagine.

No words were spoken, not even when Alice rested her head on Isabella's shoulder and linked their arms while cuddling up closer to her. The warmth Isabella felt tingling through her skin in all the places Alice was leaning on her, combined with the magnificent sight of a New York sunset and the privacy they had on the beach, made her feel as though the happiness she carried could lift her and carry her through the sky to her own cloud nine.

She looked down to see Alice staring dreamily at the sunset ahead of them, looking utterly content. Right at that moment, she couldn't think of any other place she'd rather be.

Shortly after the sun had made her grand depart, both the girls had hurried back to the Mansion, knowing fully well they weren't allowed to be outside alone after dark. Bella went inside first, silently creeping through the hall to make sure no one had taken note of their absence. The halls were lifeless, void of movement or sound, which meant the coast was clear. She motioned for Alice to come inside.

Just as Alice stepped inside the hall, she seemed startled by something and froze in her tracks. As she was standing there, Isabella suddenly noticed her short black hair looked as though it had panicked and tried to get away, which only made it look messy and disarrayed. Her big, gray eyes looked panicked and her naturally red lips were slightly apart. A slight blush crept up her cheeks and Isabella couldn't help but stare at the sight.

_"Do you hear that?"_ Alice whispered. Making Isabella present of her surroundings once again. Whenever she got distracted she just forgot all about the world around her it seemed.

As she focused on listening if she could hear anything, a deep frown formed on her forehead.

_"Well frankly, I don't feel like we're married at all lately. I don't even feel like I know you anymore!" _

_"What's that supposed to mean? I'm always home, you're the one who's never around!"_

_"I don't have much reason to stick around. What do you expect me to do, sit in your study and listen to you reading stories all day? I'm not your child you know, I have better things to do."_

_"And none of those involve me then?"_ The desperation in Marcus' voice was starting to get visible.

_"Honestly.. I'm not sure anymore lately."_

_"Is that it then? You've just decided you've had enough of me like that?"_

_"Marcus, don't be like this, you know bloody well that I never meant for this! I never meant to feel this way, I liked the way we were, I never asked for this to happen."_

_"For what to happen exactly?" _

It seemed Loïs didn't have an answer for that, since she went silent for a moment before tiredly replying; _  
_

_"Never mind, I can't deal with this right now. I'm going to bed."_

The conversation was all too familiar for Isabella, since it wasn't the first parental fight she had witnessed. Was she never to be granted a break? It seemed as though misery had decided to follow her like an annoying, insistent bee, unwilling to give up until he had stung her often enough to make the kill.

"Let's go upstairs." Alice said flatly.

Isabella caught a quick glimpse of her teary eyes before Alice silently climbed the stairways and followed after her friend quickly.

When she reached their bedroom, Alice was sitting on her side of the bed, clutching her pillow tight to her chest. She looked so forlorn, it broke Bella's heart to see her friend like this.

Bella sat next to her, letting her arm rest on her shoulders, pulling her into her side.

_"Alice, don't worry. Adults have fights like that all the time, you don't have to be afraid."_ She was whispering, but she didn't know why. Perhaps whispering a lie lessened the guilt? What else could she do though, she didn't want to frighten Alice even more.

She stroked a tear away with her thumb before Alice lifted her eyes to face her.

"I'm just afraid.. If they leave.. I.." She couldn't finish the sentence, her big, gray eyes shining because of the wetness of her tears.

_"I just.. I don't want to be left alone."_ She finally admitted, whispering the last part, before breaking out into tears again.

Bella just hugged her closer, resting her chin on top of her friends silky locks.

"You'll never be alone Alice, never, I'll make sure of that."

Her reassurance was of no use though, since the little heap of tears in her arms hadn't stopped crying. It was getting harder and harder for Isabella to hold her own tears in, it was killing her to see the person she loved most on this planet so hurt.

Then she suddenly thought of something. Renée used to sing to her to calm her down when she was sad, and it always comforted her. Perhaps.. ?

_"If I sang I'd probably make her cry even harder.. I don't even know if I can! But I have to do something, I can't stand this any more. I hate seeing her cry.."_

Deciding that she had to do _something, _Isabella started singing the one song she knew always worked when her mother used it on her. 

_"When the rain is blowing in your face _

_And the whole world is on your case _

_I could offer you a warm embrace _

_To make you feel my love" _

Alice looked up at her, still sniffling, but looking more curious than sad. Isabella just stared back at her, too nervous to continue singing when Alice was looking at her like that.

_"Don't stop.. That was beautiful."_ Alice whispered.

Isabella took a deep breath before continuing, her soft, feminine voice giving the words an intimate quality, yet there was still some sort of rawness to it.

_"When the evening shadows and the stars appear _

_And there is no one there to dry your tears _

_I could hold you for a million years _

_To make you feel my love" _

Isabella softly stroked Alice' cheek with the back of her long, slender fingers while singing.

_"The storms are raging on the rolling sea_

_ And on the highway of regret_

_Though winds of change _

_Are throwing wild and free _

_You haven't seen nothing like me yet"_

As Isabella dropped her hand to the bed, Alice grabbed hold of it. Clutching it firmly in her own, making Isabella's voice tremble just the slightest bit at the final part.

_"I could make you happy _

_Make your dreams come true _

_Nothing that I wouldn't do _

_Go to the ends of the Earth for you _

_To make you feel my love" _

The whole room went silent at that. The soft whistle of the wind could be heard and even the ruffling of the leaves on the branches of the grand trees outside of their room. Alice could hear the faint thump of Bella's heart pounding in her ribcage.

Bella couldn't believe she had just done that, it was completely out of character for the timid girl, though she suspected she could've gone much further when it came to making her friend happy. Quite like she sang actually.

Alice looked at her hesitantly, before she started leaning forward, Bella closed her eyes. She could feel Alices' searing hot breath on her lips, spreading a fire throughout her entire body. For a moment, it felt like time stood still, as if the whole world had decided to hold its' breath in anticipation.

A pair of lips pressed against Bella's cheek, they were as soft as she had imagined, had dreamed even. She inhaled the sweet, aromatic scent of her friend. Right at that moment, she felt like all the pieces had come together. She didn't need anything more in life.

Just the feel of Alice was enough to live by.

As Alice pulled back again, the feel of her lips lingered on Bella's cheek. She opened her eyes to look into the gray eyes of Alice. She could make out slight specks of a darker shade of gray in her eyes. A slight smile crept onto her lips, and only a second later they were called down for dinner.

* * *

That night as they went to bed, both went to lie on their own sides. Isabella felt restless though, painfully aware of every movement or sound surrounding her. She could hear the breathing of the girl next to her, a howl coming from outside and a soft rustle coming from the curtains that were stirred by the soft breeze.

However, she didn't hear Alice moving closer, which made the slender arms that snaked around her waist make her gasp in surprise.

_"I hope this is okay?"_ Alice whispered in her ear. The intimacy of the action made Bella shudder.

Isabella could feel an all familiar heat spread throughout her body before settling in her abdomen. Alice was pressed tightly against her from behind, one leg snaking between her own. She clasped her hands together, keeping Isabella in the circle of her arms.

_"It's okay."_

_"Good."_

Isabella sighed contently.

_"I can't believe I ever thought I'd be able to stay away, I could never walk away from her."_

And with that final thought, Isabella finally closed her eyes and drifted off to her own world, the one where no parents bothered her, the only weight on her shoulders was that of her brown locks and she spent her happily ever after with Alice.

**That's it for chapter Four, anything you didn't like? Thoughts, complaints? Anything is welcome. ;) **

**PS. I'll update as fast as I can, but I'm writing the story as I go so I'm still playing with a lot of different ideas every chapter which is why it might take some time. XO**


	5. Bonfire of the Vanity

**Thanks for reviewing! To make something clear: Bella and Alice are 15 & 16 in this chapter. PS: For whoever is curious about Loïs and Marcus in this story, this is what I have in mind as to what they'd look like:**

**Marcus **./2008/04/david_gandy2_

**Loïs **..com/articles/media/2009/09/sara_

**Five**

_Bonfire of the Vanity_

The handmaid could remember a time in the Brandon Mansion, when everything was just wonderful. The Brandons had once been the absolute picture perfect New York socialite family, free of flaws and scandals. As weird as it may sound to a foreigner, the New York Society was a world on its own, where ones behaviour, history, personal life and beliefs were constantly scrutinized in search of a single flaw which did not meet the extremely high standards of the Society.

Once a socialite had done something to dishonour the unspoken boundaries and rules of the Society, they would be punished and faced with scandal. For a New York socialite, wealthy and good-looking with nothing left to wish for, there simply isn't much to be afraid of in life, except for scandals.

Knowing that the very people you interact with and consider your friends or family are turning against you, using you as a means of entertainment, as a subject to discuss during high tea, dinner or even at the Opera, would be the second worst thing to imagine happening to them for a socialite. Losing money being number one of course.

The Brandons never had a reason to worry about that though, since their family was like polished leather, shining brightly and free of flaws.

That was the way they used to be anyway. The maid let out a sigh. If she had to pinpoint the day where it all went to hell, she'd say it was this exact day, four years ago. She had noticed both the girls had gone out that day, though she was worried, she decided it would be best for them to be absent during this very hour.

"_Are you going out AGAIN?" _

"_Yes, I am going again, me and Cecile are hosting a cocktail reception to honour French Heritage Society at the Waldorf Astoria and we still have a lot to do."_

"_How long before the preparations are done?"_

"_Where is this sudden interest coming from?"_

"_Can I not show interest in my wife's whereabouts?"_

"_Well frankly, I don't feel like we're married at all lately. I don't even feel like I know you anymore!" _

The outburst was sudden, Loïs had held her cool, calm exterior up till that point.

But as true New York socialites, they kept their problems to themselves and hid them behind layers and layers of lies to save their faces. That wasn't uncommon though. The other handmaids she'd come in contact with shared stories of the same nature about the families they worked for. The pretty, wealthy, picture-perfect Society of New York was nothing close to what it claimed to be.

When she had first laid eyes upon their firstborn child, Mary Alice, she had thought of her as just another wealthy girl, growing up to marry the right man and continue the charade that had been built up so well by the families that ruled the Society since the very beginning. However, when they took in another girl, Isabella, Alice had changed.

Her elegance, class and manners were still very much intact, though she was less withholding to do the things she really _wanted_ to do. Isabella was like a breath of fresh air, a girl so true was a rare sight in the community that surrounded them. Although she was timid and kept mostly to herself, she wasn't prone to lying and did not pretend to be something she wasn't. She didn't give out her trust easily, yet she didn't make others believe she did. She really was a rare sight to behold.

* * *

As Alice entered her bedroom, Isabella went completely silent, her hazel eyes widening in surprise. She couldn't remember the last time, if ever, she'd seen something as magnificent as the girl standing in the doorway right now.

Alice was wearing a loose-fitting, black dress from silk that reached mid-thigh but accentuated her shoulders. Her hair was combed neatly, her usual spikes flattened a bit. Her eyes were shining brightly, the gray seeming to sparkle with excitement. Her lips were rosy as ever as the blush on her cheeks was. She wore a pair of quilted, leather, black and white ballerina's on her small feet. In her hand she carried an envelope clutch, small and sophisticated.

"You could pass for Chanel's daughter looking like that."

Ten years ago, and outfit like that would've been frowned upon to say the least, baring ankles and even knees? Women wouldn't dare to think of it. However, since the French Gabrielle Chanel had made her entrance in fashion, it seemed a boyish silhouette like both hers and Alice' were all the rage. Girls were starting to dress more and more boyish, loose-fitting clothes and skirts revealed more leg than ever.

Alice seemed to be born just in the right era.

"Je suis très excité pour la soirée!" Alice spoke French fluently, she'd learned at a very young age as her mother was French too.

Isabella thought she'd melt at the sight.

Isabella herself was dressed in a tight, black, high-waist skirt with a white, silk blouse tucked in. Her long brown locks were pulled back in a ponytail, tight on the sides but at the top it was round. She looked as sophisticated as a socialite could. She too wore a pair of leather flats, cream coloured and quilted.

"Did I mention how amazing you look?" Alice said flirtatiously, making Bella blush and look down at her feet.

"We should go though.. Wouldn't want Mother fussing about us taking too long." She let out a sigh before getting up and walking towards the door with Isabella trailing after her.

Once they reached the hallway, Loïs and Marcus were already there.

"Perfect timing, I take it we're ready to go then?"

Loïs was wearing a long, draped, one shoulder, soft pink dress. It reached down to the floor and accentuated both her height and small waist. A big crystal was encrusted on the shoulder strap, pinning it to the front of her dress. Her hair was done in a fashion much alike Isabella's. Her almost white blond hair was combed back, rounded on top and tight on the sides. It shone brightly, bringing out her light, blue eyes.

Next to her stood Marcus, looking absolutely dashing in his black, shiny tuxedo. He wore a blue bow around his neck which made his bright, blue eyes spring to life. His slightly tanned skin contrasted with his white blouse. His black curls shone radiantly.

His jaw was slightly set, Isabella noticed. She had known he didn't want to go all along, but since Loïs had decided to go he had to go as well in order to keep people from becoming suspicious about their problems.

Alice was the product of perfect genes, a very handsome Italian mixed with a breathtaking Francoise made for the most beautiful girl Isabella had known in her entire life.

* * *

Once they arrived at the Waldorf Astoria, they were surrounded with handsome, well-dressed, wealthy people. Everyone was speaking to everyone, waiters walking around with plates filled with hors d'ouvrés, champagne and more. Music was heard throughout the whole room. It didn't take long for Loïs and Marcus to be dragged away, which left Isabella and Alice to themselves.

"Alice, have you ever been to something like this before?" Isabella asked, looking around the room with wondrous eyes.

"Not often, which I'm glad for.. All you really do is greet acquaintances, show how well-mannered and rich you are and talk behind other peoples' backs. Mother goes to these events every week or so." Alice sighed, looking quite bored already.

"Could I offer you a drink?" A waiter asked them, holding out a plate of crystal flutes filled with champagne.

Before Isabella could answer, Alice had taken two off the plate and thanked him.

"At least we'll have something to make it more exciting tonight." Alice said, a sparkle visible in her eyes.

It seemed that lately, Alice was overstepping boundaries with more and bigger steps, and whenever she did, Isabella went along with her. She could never say no to Alice, who somehow seemed to be aware of this fact. However, Isabella was only fifteen and Alice sixteen, they both knew they weren't allowed to drink alcohol yet and Isabella didn't know if she even wanted to do so.

Alice took a sip, and then another one, and another one and within a minute she'd finished her glass.

"Oh Bella, come on, take a sip, it's not that bad! I promise you'll like it." Isabella knew she'd give in sooner rather than later, so she decided to go for it. After Alice had gotten them a second drink, Isabella started to feel a warm, buzzing feeling inside of her, it was quite nice actually. Alice looked even better with the red blush that had crept up her cheeks, bringing out her cheekbones.

Alice started leaning forward, her breath tickling Isabella's cheek and left ear, she could smell that same sweet scent she'd become so familiar with.

"_Let's get out of here." _Alice whispered before taking Isabella's hand, the flirtatious smile she gave her was all Bella needed to follow her lead.

They soon reached a field close by the hotel which gave them the perfect opportunity to return when needed. Flowerbeds in all kind of colours decorated the grass, illuminated by the moonlight and the stars. When Isabella looked next to her again, she saw Alice was already lying in the grass, eyes closed, still adorning that red flush.

She looked so beautiful with her pale skin setting off against the colours of the bright flowers. For a second Isabella thought of jumping on top of her and kissing her till they were both out of breath.

Instead, she slowly went to sit on the grass before lying down next to her friend. The view above them was breathtaking, the stars were shining brightly as was the moon. It seemed truly otherworldly to Isabella, it was mesmerizing.

"Enjoying the view?" Alice asked, smiling at the amazed expression on Isabella's face.

"Very much so." Isabella answered, though she wasn't thinking of the stars when she said that, looking at the girl lying next to her.

"_I can't keep this up, I might never see anything, anyone as perfect as her.. How could I feel something so strong, and could she be completely oblivious? But maybe she isn't.." _Just as Bella was gathering up the courage to lean closer, Alice spoke up. _  
_

"I think we should head back, I doubt people are going to stick around for much longer." Alice said softly before lifting off the grass, holding out her hand for Isabella to take. The warmth of liquor couldn't compare with the warmth Bella felt as their hands touched. It was unlike anything she'd ever known, and right at that moment, Isabella knew that life sometimes made up for the bad times it made you go through, with magnificent good times. They walked back to the hotel holding hands, smiling brightly.

* * *

Things had been going quite in the same fashion for a while. Alice was so unaware of the emotional tornado that raged its way through Isabella whenever they got really close, that she never knew how mad she drove the girl. Isabella was too afraid of losing their friendship if Alice ever found out about her feelings, so she kept it to herself. She tortured herself day and night it seemed.

Meanwhile, she tried to focus on other things. She tried spending more time reading and learning, which in turn made Marcus very happy. He loved to see the time he spent on teaching both girls, at least meant something to one of them.

"I don't see what's so interesting about it, I mean seriously Bella, it's just a book."

"No Alice, it's the _story_ inside of the book that I like. You know, those little spots on the pages? Those are actually words and when put together in the right way, they tell you something."

"Great, what have I done? Now you're thinking paper can talk. Please don't do this to me Bella, let me take you outside where it's safe, so you can heal!"

Isabella plopped down on the bed next to the spot her friend was lying, looking at her through squinted eyes.

"Why do you hate it when your Father teaches us?"

"I don't.."

"Alice, it's me! Stop lying, it's not going to work." Alice looked at Isabella for a moment, then sighed in defeat, dropping her head on the sheets.

"Alright.. I hate it because I'm such a disappointment to him. Nothing I ever do is going to be good enough, so why would I even bother?"

"Alice! That's not true, your Father loves you, you know that."

"He doesn't Bella, he likes you far more. But it doesn't matter really." Alice pulled Isabella down till she was lying next to her, then curled up against her, embracing her tightly while snuggling into her neck. "Cause I like you far more than I like him too."

Isabella shuddered at the close contact, closing her eyes and slowly releasing her breath. She couldn't do this any longer, she really couldn't. She was going insane and the fact that Alice just couldn't help but always touch her in one way or another made it so much worse.

"_She doesn't feel the same way, there's no use in telling her how much I love her" _She thought sadly.

"That's good." was what she said instead.

* * *

The week that followed had been filled with home schooling, Marcus seemed to be inspired to learn them as much as he could and keep them locked in the study for as long as he could. At least, that was how it felt for Alice, a prison of books and knowledge.

She sighed deeply. Again.

"I get it Alice, you're both free to go. We can continue this tomorrow." Marcus said calmly. He had a certain sobriety, he didn't get upset easily nor did he get angry. He was like this sea of patience. His daughter however, was the polar opposite.

She could get upset instantly and excited even easier. She was unpredictable and full of energy, bursting with emotion. Neither one of her parents had those qualities, Isabella thought. On the other hand, perhaps they did but preferred not to show it, since their personalities were quite the standard as to what the Society expected you to be. It seemed as though people in this city could just as easily walk around with a painting of someone else in front of their face. They barely ever showed it anyway.

Alice wasn't like that at all though, which was part of the attraction for Isabella. She didn't feel the need to change herself in order to be accepted into a Society which held standards as high as the Eiffel Tower. Either way, she was in already. The Brandons had been part of the Elite for decades. They were "old money" as one would call them. Their family heritage came from generations past theirs, back when Merrit Brandon had found an Oil source which he eventually turned into an entire industry.

Alice had been guaranteed to never having to work a day in her life with the money they had, nor would her grand children. For Alice, that was all irrelevant. She'd have to worry about her future later, right now, she was way too busy enjoying the moment she lived in."

* * *

A week after the party, Loïs was expecting a visit from the Roitfelds. Being one of the richest families in New York meant their visits were always greatly appreciated and even envied. They certainly didn't mingle with just anyone. Carine and Damien Roitfeld had befriended the Brandon's though. Their shared French blood made for an instant connection between Loïs and Carine. However, for Alice they were pure bother. Their son Vladimir was quite taken by Alice and made that painfully obvious even after she subtly rejected him time after time.

This night was different though, Alice could sense it. The way Vladimir's eyes raked over Bella's figure the moment he'd set his hungry gaze on Bella hadn't gone lost on Alice. That hunger he hid so well behind his pretentious mask of sophistication, Alice saw right through it. Unfortunately, she was the only one who did.

Vladimir knew he could get away with nearly anything because of his families status, and he loved to take advantage of that fact.

"Sweet Alice, it's been way too long. I do hope you've been well in my absence." He took her hand and planted a kiss upon it, enjoying how uncomfortable he made her feel.

She took a deep breath, preparing herself for what was going to be a long, long evening.

Later that evening, long after dinner they had been seated in the living room, chatting and enjoying some wine. While the adults were happily chatting, Alice had set her gaze on Vladimir. From the beginning of the evening he had noticed her reaction whenever he set his eyes on Isabella. He'd spent the entire evening watching Isabella when she wasn't aware, knowing very well it would agitate Alice even more. When Isabella would glance at him, he'd turn his gaze at Alice. She kept looking at him, almost accusingly, whereas he would stare longingly and appreciatively.

Isabella had noticed the way Vladimir looked at Alice. The thought of anyone but herself looking at her in such a wanting way flared up a rage inside of her that she'd never experienced before. She hadn't even been aware she was capable of such a feeling. However, when she looked at Alice, she knew the feelings weren't returned.

"We'll be on our way now, we've enjoyed your hospitality greatly this evening." Carine said as she stood up together with Damien.

Anything else that was said was lost to Isabella though, as she watched Vladimir walk up to Alice and take her hand as though it was made of velvet while looking at her as if she were made of diamond. His lips were moving but the sound didn't reach her, all she could see was their descent, until they reached Alice' hand and watched as he planted a soft kiss on it.

For a moment, she felt as though her rage had swallowed her, the scene had seemingly played out in slow motion in front of her, fuelling the fire that was building up in her.

As he turned towards her, she knew the last thing she wanted right now was to face him. She impulsively turned away, saying her goodbye to the adult Roitfelds before quickly making her way upstairs. When she reached her bedroom she went for the balcony, breathing in the fresh air and taking in the view to calm herself down. The land seemed even more appealing at night, illuminated by the moon, glistening ponds and outstretched fields decorated by flowerbeds and trees. No one but Alice and herself could go there. No one could take _that_ from them.

She sighed before closing her eyes. Just thinking of his lips on her skin made her chest contract painfully. A feeling as though her heart was made of elastic and someone held it above a fire overcame her. She knew she was probably blowing the situation out of proportion, in reality, it hadn't been anything to get upset about.

But for Isabella, it was the first time she realized she could lose Alice to someone else.

When the breeze became too much of a bother, she went back inside. Finally calmed, she felt her anger had dissipated and left room for sadness to take over. She had no idea what to do to keep Alice, or even have her in the first place.

With a sigh she sat down on their bed, taking her journal with her.

"_The tenderest touch leaves the darkest of marks, and the kindest of kisses breaks the hardest of hearts. Sticks to your tongue and it shows on your face that the sweetest of words have the bitterest taste."_

When she put down her pencil, she realized she hadn't really thought of writing anything, the words seemingly came out of nowhere. At the least it brought her some relief.

She put her journal to rest on the nightstand before closing her eyes.

For once, she wouldn't wait up for Alice.

* * *

**Sorry for making you wait, I have no free time.**** I wrote whenever I could, I promise the next chapter is going to be more positive. With a lot more Alice & Bella time. ;) **

**Any thoughts to share? They make me happy. :)  
**


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